Funny Unix csh/sh commands:

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go? ^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. >

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce? man::
Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

/* not csh but sh */

$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense no
sense in pretending!

$ drink bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

Christmas song in UNIX

A Christmas song, in everyone's favourite language:


better !pout !cry
better watchout
telnet why
santa claus < north pole > town

cat/etc/passwd > list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty > no_gift_list
cat list | grep nice > gift_list
santa claus < north pole > town

who | grep sleeping
who | awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for ( goodness sake) {

    be good

Adam Sandler