Friday Funnies

Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about consumating their passions. "Every time we make love", she said " I get splinters". So he went back to his maker, Gipetto, the carpenter, to ask his advice.

"Sandpaper my boy, that's what you need" was the carpenters response.

A couple of weeks later the carpenter met Pinnochio, "How are you getting on with the girls now?" he asked

"Who needs girls?" replied Pinnochio.

--- BONUS JOKE ---

The Biggest (and most frequently heard) LIES !!

1. The check is in the mail.
2. I'll respect you in the morning.
3. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.
4. It's only a cold sore.
5. You get this one, I'll pay next time.
6. My wife doesn't understand me.
7. Trust me, I'll take care of everything.
8. Of course I love you.
9. I am getting a divorce.
10. Drinking? Why, no, Officer.
11. I'll be right there
12. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.
13. I never watch television except for PBS.
14. ..but we can still be friends.
15. She means nothing to me.
16. Dont worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "E"
17. I gave at the office.
18. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.
19. I'll call you later.
20. We'll release the upgrade by the end of the year.
21. Read my lips: no new taxes
22. I've never done anything like this before
23. Now, I'm going to tell you the truth
24. It's supposed to make that noise.
25. I *love* your new !
26. ..then take a left. You can't miss it.
27. Yes, I did.
28. Don't worry, it's OK -- I'm sterile.