Friday Funnies

Hi gang! Already Friday! Here's to a great weekend! Here's a laugh or 2 to get you in the mood...

It was the 1st day of school. The 2nd grade teacher asked some of her students to tell the class a story of something that had happened to them over the summer break in which they learned a moral.

The first student stood up and said, "Well, I went to my father's farm, and oneday we counted the eggs in the chicken coupe to see how many chicks we would get, but that night a wolf came and ate 1/2 of the eggs. The moral I learned was don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"Very good," said the teacher.

The second student stood up and said, "Well, one day my mother sent me to the market to get some milk, and on my way home, I got beat up by the neighbor bully who spilled my milk all over the ground. I went home crying to my mother. And she said not to cry over spilled milk."

Very good," said the teacher.

The third student stood up and said, "My father told me one of his war stories, and it went like this. He was stranded in a fox hole with only one bottle of Jack Daniels, 12 rounds of ammo, and 2 grenades. Well he drank the whiskey, then the enemy came. He shot up 12 guys, and blew up 20 more with the grenades."

"Well, what moral could you have possibly have gotten from such a story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't fuck with my dad when he's drunk."

--- BONUS JOKE ---

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lie's and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS.

"I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.